Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Time, A Fickle Misconception

   June 27, 2012. We awake early, (yet again) for our departure to the ferry in Chau Doc, Vietnam which will take us to Phnom Phen, the capital city of Cambodia.  The Vietnamese rise early, their typical day starting between 5 and 6 am. It's no wonder by 9pm everything is closed except for bars that cater to westerners (a term used for all white people regardless of where they actually come from).
    We were supposed to catch the Hang Chau 2 speed boat which would take us up the Mekong at 8am, however the boat company had called our guide to inform her that the boat would be departing at 7:10 instead so we must be there on time. When we arrived at the boat, with the words "Hang Chau" gracing the side. We saw there were only a few other people on it and we departed straightway. We traveled to another two docks to pick up more passengers before beginning what we had confirmed three times to be a 5 hour journey. This five hours would include the time needed to make two boarder stops- one in Vietnam and one in Cambodia.
    The scenery was beautiful. Flat dirt roads bordered the river with corn fields lining them. Handmade tin and bamboo houses nestled themselves in the corn. There were a few house boats and small fishing vessels piloted by locals. There were floating tin homes and stick built pilings on which haphazard tin homes gingerly rested. I marveled at how much of this would be lost if there were a flood. Even the roads were precariously close and could be lost easily -some already had evidence of a washout, although we had been told the Mekong "rarley floods"
     Lindsay and I discussed our plans for Phnom Phen, we would have two hours to explore the city. We planned on hiring a tuk tuk to drive us around the city to see the sights then take us to the airport. At our designated arrival time we were still on the water and still moving at the boat's full speed. We looked out both sides and saw no city in sight.
      Two hours later we pulled up to the dock and raced to get our belongings. We spoke with the one and only taxi driver at the dock and a tuk tuk driver, telling them our plans. We had 40 minutes to make our flight and the airport was only 9km away. The cab would be the fastest way to get to the airport but, the driver informed us, "it too late- I think you flight it going to leave without you." But, he had said it was only 9km. Yes, but you had to be there two hours ahead of time to check in, the drivers said.  We asked how long it took to drive to the airpot and were told 40 minutes. Why so long, you must be wondering? Traffic- the dreaded Asian traffic which is slow and congested and nearly constant. There is hardly a time in an asia city, it seems, that there is not traffic.  The drivers insisted we were not going to make it and maybe they should drive us to a hotel instead. I insisted we go to the airport and Lindsay haggled the price of the cab fare. It would be more, of course if we wanted him to get us there in time and he promised to try his best.
     The trip was long and stressful. We were pissed about that boat ride too. The tour company put us on it, as if it were a great way to get to Cambodia when really we could have seen the Mekong on a short drive from Ho Chi Minh then returned there to catch an evening flight. Instead we drove a short drive form Ho Chi Minh to see the Mekong then got in a private car for a 4 hour drive to Chau Doc to spend the night in a creepy hotel (with numerous signs indicating that you'd better make sure you lock the doors and windows and do not let strangers into your room. We also got a lengthy lesson on how to appropriately lock the door from the front desk staff all while listing to the children's fair across the street play American children's songs like it's a small world sung in Vietnamese) and then board a boat in the early morning which took us another 7 and a half hours to Phnom Phen  for a 45 minute flight, which we were about to miss!
     Lindsay, in traditional New Yorker style, proceeded to goad the driver into driving faster. Nor was he driving aggressively enough, she pointed out when another vehicle cut  us off. "Taxis in New York know how to step on it! Why is that car passing us- you're not going to let him in, are you?" This went on for some time. Admittedly, this was making me a little nervous. I wanted to make it on time too, but who knows who this guy is? He might decide to teach us a lesson and drive aggressively only to end up in an accident or worse if we pissed him off. Maybe he wouldn't bring us to the airport at all. We were in a strange country with a strange cab driver who spoke a strange language  and were stuck in his car. No one know where we were or who we were with, no one would miss us for at least 48 hours, probably more.  He spoke good English and I tried to smooth things over by telling the driver not to worry about Lindsay since she doesn't actually drive, anyway. "He'll get us there safe and on time" I suggested. Right? Right? hehe oh dear god-get us there safe and on time. Please. Luckily he seemed good humored about this, giggling and saying "ok ok I will get you to airport." Lindsay made him promise and verified the time left to travel there.
     When we arrived at the airport we ran to the check in counter. No one else seemed to be rushing at all and we got a few curious looks. The check in counter was still open and allowed us to check our bags which I took as a good sign. We had 20 minutes before take off. We were the only people in the security line so that went quickly. We rushed to the gate to find that no one was there. No gate agent, no other passengers, not even a sign with our flight number or destination. We followed the gate to the asphalt outside only to find the doors locked and no plane is sight. We had missed it. We ran back up stairs and found an airport employee. "Oh, Siem Reap?" he verified "No, no boarding yet. You can wait here" he said pointing to a cafe. Somehow, miraculously, we had made it on time.  Time seemed to appear out of no where. A time warp again. It seemed a sure thing that we would miss the flight only 40 minutes ago. It time to take off but, somehow, we were actually early! I gave a quick thank you to the powers that be for getting us here safe and on time. Now for the most highly anticipated part of the trip, Angkor Wat. Sometimes, time is on your side.
Vietnamese house boats

Cambodian boarder passport check

Crew member of the Hang Chau

Vietnamese floating houses

Cambodian house, farm, and dock

All of us in the back napped at some point

Me

Lindsy hanging on the Hang
   

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Thai Time

      The culmination of our trip would be Thailand. Specifically, the beaches of Thailand, some of the most famous beaches in the world. In fact while we were travelling I got an email from Trip advisor, or some such traveler's web site, listing Thailand's beaches in the world's top ten.  You can imagine our anticipation- pristine white sand beaches, tourqoise blue water, all in an Earthly paradise. We were looking forward to relaxing ocean side after our conquests in Vietnam and Cambodia.
      We arrived at the tiny Siem Reap airport in high spirits. We had spend a decent amount of money to fly from this small, local airport because it was the only way to get from where we were, Northern Cambodia, to Phuket in less than 24 hours.
      When it was time to board we walked outside our gate and to a small plane decorated with the sea and fish; an indication of our ultimate destination. It was what I like to think of as an "oh shit" plane. I get motion sickness on planes; so for me, the bigger the better. Whenever I see a place of this size- the three steps leading to the door, the propellers, the shadow cast by the much larger jets next to it- I think to myself "oh, shit." I don't like these planes. I've never had a great experience on a plane this small, and they are always old. And the airline always conspires to have me sit next to the propeller which is loud and scary; the metal blades taunting me with the thought of what would happen if one of them came loose. I saw one of these propellers being safety checked once while on this trip. A man with a flashlight and a yellow vest stood on the ground and spun the propeller, shining his flashlight on the blades while doing it. In the dark. That's it. That was the extent of it. No wonder Lindsay was so concerned with flying reputable airlines while in a third world country.
      The flight was much as I expected. Turbulent but not worrisome. We had a layover in Bangkok and that's when it happened. We were no longer on the world agreed upon time table, we were on Thai time. I know, I know there has been a lot of talk about the concept of time in these blogs- it's a  mystery I can't quite explain but it fascinates me none the less. I never find extra days in New York (or as the Japanese say, "New Yolk") or wormholes which take you back in time and I certainly cannot simply ignore the clock.
      Luckily I spotted Bangkok Airlines passenger lounge which had a sign out front inviting all passengers in. It was great. There was free unlimited wifi, food and drinks. We had only 15 minutes before our flight boarded so we stocked up on popcorn and drinks and surfed the precious web one last time. When our boarding call came we started to pack up but realized it was not a boarding call, it was an announcement letting us know our flight was delayed by 10 minutes. Fine, no big deal, we got back on the web. Then an announcement came saying it was 15 minutes delayed, then 30, then 40 then 80.
      It didn't end there. When we finally got in to the Phuket airport we decided to save money by taking a mini bus to our hotel rather than a private cab. Mistake. We not only waited for the van to be filled with other passengers, we then waited for the driver to stop chatting with his friend, before we stopped at a tour place.  Then the driver drove by our hotel...I think I've told this one before.
     The next day we explored the dumpy town that is Patong Beach and made reservations for a boat tour of the islands. We had to be up at 7am for the 7:30 am pick up. At 8:30 we had the hotel's front desk receptionist call the company to inquire about the location of the bus, thinking they had forgotten us. At 8:45 we left and then drove around town picking up more passengers. We arrived at an overly crowded dock to spend another 15 minutes waiting to board.  Then follows the infamous Russian boat incident, see my other blog post "Twilight Zone".
     The next day we were leaving for the 5 hour trip from our hotel to the ferry which would take us on the hour ride to the island of Samui, and, the day was virtually the same as before. We got up early as instructed, only to wait around and then have to pick up more passengers. When we arrived at the 'transfer station' we got our stickers and waited another hour for, yet again, more passengers.  Side note- Thailand loves both transfer stations and stickers. You cannot go to anyplace directly, there is always a stop where, most often, you get a sticker placed on your shirt with some kind of secret color code. No one tells you what the sticker is for or why you need to wear it, or that it is even important at all. Don't let the nonchalance fool you, the sticker is of the utmost importance. Do not succumb to pride or embarrassment and rip it off because it is hot pink and no one else has one, or everyone else has a cool blue. You will need that sticker, my friend. Your passage depends upon it, for when you arrive at the next transfer station there is one question and one question only- "sticker?" I shudder to think what might happen to the unfortunate soul who does not have his sticker. My best guess is that you will get yet another sticker and a transport back to another transfer station where you will receive your lost sticker again; after waiting for more passengers to arrive, that is.
      We boarded a hot pink party bus by means of a staircase for the transport to the ferry station. We nicknamed this bus the pink N'Sync bus. N'Sync and other various boy bands must be popular because the driver opened the door which led to his cabin several times to listen to the music and adjust the sound.  Lindsay and I sang along to the melodious sound of Justin Timberlake's voice, reliving the summer of our mid teen years when this CD was our soundtrack, about 13 years ago. I'm fairly sure Lindsay, Francesca and I each owned a copy of this legendary and all too soon forgotten band. Another N'sync song came on. Wait, or was that Backstreet Boys?
      The ride on the hot pink N'sync bus was actually pleasant. We arrived at the ferry dock where our stickers were confiscated and we were given new, more brightly colored stickers. Then we waited. For more passengers. For an hour.
       We spent 5 days at Koh Samui so we were on our time, not Thai time. Our flight from Koh Samui to Bangkok was only delayed by 10 minutes. Our last experience with Thai time was on our final flight, from Bangkok to Tokyo. It seemed to be off to a good start. We boarded on time and then waited, on the plane, for an hour- for more passengers.  The adage my husband used to use to describe the Marine Corps is applicable to Thailand as well; "hurry up and wait." If you are planning a trip to Thailand, keep in mind nothing is ever on time, it's on Thai time.
An "oh shit" plane
The pink N'Sync bus

Door to the driver's cab

Rock'n out

Had to go with some Adele after a while

Ferry dock.  Sticker?

After nearly 12 hours of travel, Koh Samui is in sight. A total travel time of 12 hours was logged between Phuket and our final destination. 

Friday, July 6, 2012

Stargate

      It was hot and humid in Hanoi, the kind of humid that is wet the moment you step outside. The kind of humid that makes everything go in slow motion. Hazy, oppressive, hot humidity where dehydration is a real concern. We were exploring the city on foot. The previous day we had seen pretty much all of the old quarter. Our hotel had given us a map that  highlighted "walking streets," of which we had walked all and then some.
     Feeling confident from yesterday's  safe and friendly exploration of Hanoi and the fact that so many Vietnamese there could speak English, we just went with it, walking wherever we pleased. We simply walked, following whatever was interesting. We followed meandering roads, where the streets became narrower and narrower. Each street is named for the good it sells and all of the sellers of that particular good are located on that Hang (street). We went down the woodworker's hang, the toy hang, candy hang, lantern hang, instant noodle hang, until we found ourselves on fruit hang. We continued to follow the ever narrowing non linear paths deeper and deeper into the heart of the city.
      At potato hang we simultaneously  realized something had changed from 15 minutes ago. We weren't in Kansas any more. The street was so narrow and crooked a car could not fit through it, and thinking of it- I hadn't seen any in a while. There were potato vendors everywhere, their traditional baskets filled to the brim with sweet potato, red potatoes and many others. How could their carrying stick take the weight of all those potatoes? The vendors were squatting on the ground, their pointy straw hats covering their heads and flimsy flip flops on their feet, if any shoes at all. And no one was calling to us; no one asking if we wanted to look in their shop, no one offering us food; no one speaking English.
       Time slowed. Chickens were running around. Some of the squatting vendors noticed us with a quizzical look. The haze made it all so surreal. If ever we were foreigners, it was now. People clearly noticed us as out of place, their upturned glances lingering until they registered what was different about today's scene. Had we entered a worm hole? The world was different now, it had all changed. Time was slow, the picture hazy. Where were we? What year was this? Things were haphazard- it was hard to even move in all the chaos. Chickens, people, potatoes, baskets. If the motorbikes had been bicycles I might have been convinced we had slipped through a stargate and had transported back in time.
     "Where are we?" Lindsay turned to ask.
      "I don't know- we are in the real Vietnam, I guess." There were no street signs. We looked around for a hint of modern civilization- anything that would point us back to the year 2012; cars, ATM's a mini mart. In the distance, a steady stream of cars. "That way" Lindsay instructed- she had taken on the role of map keeper. When we got there, after carefully weaving through the baskets of potato vendors we were perplexed to see only a highway. We had to turn around and slip back through the stargate to get out. We followed potato hang a little ways back until we again saw signs of modern life- cars. We followed the cars until they brought us to a street with a sign and we located it on the map. We hadn't actually gone that far- our hotel was a short walk away, yet we had,we had gone far- to the other side of the Earth. A place where two white American women rarely went; through the stargate to the real Vietnam.
  

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Imagine

    Yesterday I went to the daily meditation available at the Spa.  There were four of us plus the teacher. It was relaxing and of course better than no meditation, but very secular.We were relaxing, imagining ourselves on a beach..but why not go to the beach, then? It's right there- I can see it from where I am sitting.
     Today I went again, determined to take advantage of daily meditations in the paradise like setting overlooking the beach. I would get something out of it even if it was not the style of mediation I prefer.
     To my surprise it was a new teacher, a stocky white man with glasses and a four inch long white beard in the ancient Chinese style, that is, long and pointy.  He greeted me warmly and invited me to lay out my mat which ever way I felt comfortable. While we waited for the others he began to chat with me. Since I was the first person there, I got to choose a  lucky number. Guess what I chose? 7, of course. Common, I know but it is my birthday so it is truly lucky for me, I didn't choose it for gambling reasons. The teacher would read the seventh story in Moon by the Window later.
      "Change starts within you. If you want the world to change you must change yourself, that is it. When you do that the world shifts and a slight change occurs. A change can be as simple as not watching tv. If you are a peaceful person, one who does not like violence, does not practice it, does not watch violent or disturbing movies than you can turn off your tv and a shift in the world has occurred" Each of us in interconnected in more than one way; physically perhaps, but spiritually as well. We are all one choosing to take this life journey together in our individual roles. We cannot change the external world without changing our internal world. When we change our internal world, that is, ourselves we shift our reality, shift our focus and instantly, the world changes because our world view changes. If I no longer subscribe to something, say violence, than I refuse to partake, refuse to watch it, practice it, than it is not a part of my world.
      I found this man and his conversation interesting. Obviously I had found my non- secular meditation guy, although he was careful to claim that this session was of no particular faith, that all faiths were welcome here.It was spiritual none the less. He went even further in his examples of nonviolence. "If you are against violence than you should not take any part, don't practice it, don't watch it on TV, and this includes our animals, they are spiritual beings as well. Animal slaughter houses, they are violent. So if you say you are against violence, please think of the animals as well."
      Wow, I was into this. It's like this guy was here for me. The universe felt my wish for a more spiritual meditation and gave me more than I could have hoped for. It was soon 7:30am and it was clear no one else was coming so we began the hour long session. Wow! A private mediation session overlooking the beach! The universe was looking out for me. The teacher had a gong like bowl which he rung and the session started with some breathing techniques to facilitate the meditation and then a bow, with hands in prayer position to give thanks for meditation and to recognize all the other mediators around the world, many of whom are meditating with us now, at this very moment, somewhere in the world.
      After there was a reading, the message of which was  this- as the sun shines through the clouds and breaks them free, this will come to you as well. Soon all the sunshine you have been seeking will come down on you all at once. All has been prepared and readied for you it is time to let your sunshine bring what it will.
      We then meditated for a little before another reading of several quotes from who other than Lao Tzu and Ralph Waldo Emerson. If you know me well, truly well, then you know that Emerson is one of my favorite authors- a man well ahead of his time, maybe even ahead of ours. His words are enlightened and enlightening.
       More meditation and more relevant quotes continued for the remainder of our session. There was a good one about seeking approval and how doing so takes our power away. I am only accountable to me and seeking approval from outside of myself gives power to another and they can hold that power over me. We should not seek to be the best in someone else's eyes, only our own.
      At one point we put one hand on our stomach and one on our hearts. Doing so, you can feel your breath moving in and out and your heart beating. These are the two things that give us life in these bodies; the heart and the breath. The teacher instructed to "feel your heart beat. It is the power of your body." Perhaps this is the explanation to the 'echo chamber' at Angkor Wat. When we were there I found it curious, but powerful. What was this room for? It was a small room with a high ceiling and and two tall doorways on either side. When you stood against one of the two walls and thumped on your heart with your fist the echo was amazing. It was a drum beating and reverberating through space and time, deep and pounding like the beat of an ancient war drum. "It is an echo of your heart" the guide explained.
      The chamber, like what we were doing now, was a reminder. A reminder that although we are currently in this body we are only an echo of something much larger. Yes, we have this life here on planet Earth, but we have more in the beyond we are bigger than we realize.
      The teacher closed the session with another prayer of thanks for the gift of meditation in this world and a prayer for people to realize a shift only has to occur within them for a shift to occur within the world. "It's like John Lennon's song, imagine world where people realize we are one and begin living that way" and I remembered something he had said at the beginning of the session- If you feel love, sincere love and express your love or gratitude in that exact moment that you feel it, you have changed the world in that moment. Indeed, if everyone did this- imagine.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Twilight Zone

       I should have expected this. The time warp was a sign we were danerously close to the twilight zone. Where are we? What is happening? In the last 24 hours we have experienced some strage events for sure. Beware, sometimes nothing is as it seems.
      I guess it all started when we arrived in Phuket afer a flight which was delayed by an hour. Or maybe it was beore that, at the Bangkok airport when we discovered the airline had an awesome louge with free wifi, magazines, food and drink for econmoy passengers. Yup. You read that right. Strange, I know.
      Anyway, so we arrive in Phuket and decide to take the $5 mini bus to our hotel. We wait and wait for it to leave. When we do the driver has not asked us where we are going and when I try to speak to him I realize he does not speak English. We end up stopping at a tour agency where we all have to get out and they try to sell us tours or hotels (for those odd traveler people who don't book anything in advance). Luckily, no one wants to buy so we are off. A fourty minute drive later our hotel is the fourth stop of the mini bus, but we realize we could have been the first- the driver has gone an extremly round about way for whatever reason. What the hell?
      Our initial impression of the town is not good- it's tacky, touristy, a little run down and there are bars and flashing lights everywhere, and I mean everywhere- on signs, taxis, toys on the street, even people's shirts. So we check into the hotel and despite excellent reviews it is really not that nice. It was cheap, but it's the low season here, so everything is. It is clean and late so we go to sleep vowing to switch in the morning. After much reasearch and a little bit of walking we learn that we can get a nicer hotel, but the island itself is pretty much the same wherever you go. We cannot get a refund or credit on the room either, so after much debate we decide to stay. We spend the first day walking around and hanging on the beach. The beach is not so bad after all.
      For day two we are going to be gone all day anyway, on a tour of the Phi Phi islands by boat. We book a great 10 hour tour through the hotel. The boat is small, only taking 12 passengers, has an English speaking guide and stops at many beaches and lagoons. When we take out our money to pay, the front desk receptionist tells us there is no need to pay now, he can put it on our room tab. We offered a down payment. No need, we are told.
       Later, when we want to double check the pick up time the front desk receptionist (now someone else) tells us we never confirmed, so there is no tour for us. When we explained that we did confirm she told us the tour has no more space. We really want to go on this tour- staying in the crappy town for another day was just not an option. We asked the front desk to find another tour for us, comprable to the one we wanted to go on, which we were told was "the best."
      We wait for about 30 minutes while the front desk girl looks into it. She fianlly comes out and tells us she has another tour, we have to pay cash now. The tour, she says, is essentailly the same but the boat is bigger and the trip is a few hours shorter. We want a small tour so we ask how many people. We are told there will be thirty, with an Englih speaking guide and the same itinerary as the other tour, but a faster boat.
       Fast forward to the next day and the mini bus to pick us up is 15 minutes late, no biggie. We get to the station and get shuffled onto a boat which is pretty big. You cannot see out any of the windows from the seats so we sit near the back so we can look out that way. The boat has a lot of people. The tour guides (there are two) count 79! One of the tour guides comes on the microphone to greet us "ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Sea Angel number 5" and after that I don't know becuase her english is not good, even 'sea angel' was hard to distinguish; if I hadn't seen it written on the boat I would not have known. So much for the English speaking guide, she's not going to cut it. Wait- it's not a her. It's a he. It's a he-she, or as they say in Thailand, a "ladyboy." She is Jennifer (or did she say Jane?) and she has on a very loud dress with clashing shirt and giant fake boobs which she flashes around while play flirting with the guys. She is flamboyant and fun and likes crude jokes and  probably 'crosses the line' (by American standars) with some of the men. Okay, well we have another guide, a tall man. He gets on the microphone and says.... I have no idea. He was not speaking any of the languages I know- English, Spanish or ASL.
       Personal space on the boat is extremely limited. There are so many people on it and one person has 4 seats. One for her bag and another three so she can lay down and drape her legs over her boyfriend.  People just cram in and no one says anything to her.
      We start off with an hour ride to our destination during which a boy of about 7 starts puking all over. We get to our first spot, the male guide says something and a lengthy diembarqument takes place. People seem afraid of the water- or the boat. The destination is beautiful. They filmed the beach here. We get back on the boat and the male guide gets on the microphone and talks more. We wait for an English translation- there is none. Instead the male guide gets back on the microphone again. This time I catch the word lagoon and some hand gestures and realize we are on our way to a larger lagoon with more cliffs surrounding it. Still no English translation. What the hell is going on here?
      Lindsay and I begin watching the guide to see if we can catch any more- we want to know the information too- when we notice the guy is wearing makeup. Foundation, concealer, maybe a little blush. "I think he has on eye liner, too" I say. Lindsay says he does. A closer look and I see his eyes are lined with black rhinestones. Lindsay and I give each other the look. What the hell is going on here? We depart and are off to the next lagoon, then a monkey hang out, which we only knew about beause everyone else was standing to take pictures. There was some strage cave hangout area too, we don't know what, I don't speak the mystery language.
      There is another boy on the boat, about 10, a speaker of the mystery language and on vacation with his mother. They are sitting near us. On the beach his mother poses in her bikini for some very sexy shots, as if she is actually a super model, while he acts as photographer. Again, Lindsay and I give each other the look- what the hell is going on here? The mystery language boy is very rude on the boat. He boses the other passengers around, pointing to us to give him more space (we are packed like sardines, except the girl and her boyfriend who are taking four seats).  His towel touches my leg and he snatches it up as if I might have lice. While we travel to the next beach his mother examins her sexy pictures by zooming in and checking herself out. This lasts a good 25 minutes.
     The four seat girl is still laying down and now her boyfriend is gropping her and, though all the gropping it becomes appearent she is wearing a thong bathing suit. The barfing child is two people down. Turns out she enjoys showing her ass as much as possible. I think it's even in one of my pictures.
      We stop for snorkeling, which I know because the "English" speaking guide demonstrates how to put the mask and snorkel on then offers the one that was just in her (his?) mouth to several people, who decline. I'm really not into seeing what I am swimming above, I'd rather pretend they are not there so I decline and so does Lindsay. We stand up and look over the boat. The thong girl's boyfriend is following her closely with his mask trained on her ass. When he tires of this he stares another woman down, the sexy picture mom, who is totally oblivious to the fact that he is following her around underwater watching her.
      I decide to take a swim so I line up at the back of the boat. Everyone has life vests on. I look around to see if there are any dangers. Well -I'll line up without one and see if they make me put it on. It is taking a long time. A few Chinese people with life vests on are afraid of the water.They stick their feet in, take them out. Stick their feet in again, try going down the ladder, come back up again.  They don't know how to use a boat ladder. They are just standing there, speaking Chinese to each other. I've had enough so I say "What's the probem, just jump in! Go, go, go or get out of the way" and gesture. A crew member thinks I'm pretty funny. The lady slowly walks in only to decide instantaneously that she wants to get back out, totally screwing up the line of people who want to get off. I just want to get off so I go to the other line. Why does this always take so long?  When I'm finally in the water the crew member gives me a thumbs up. I know how to do this!
    Almost immediatly someone swims by me and touches my ass. That pervert ass man! I'm going to kick him in his...well you know. I yelled to Lindsay "someone just touched my butt!" This is when I knew for sure almost no one else spoke English becuase not a single soul save for Lindsay looked at me. But it wasn't ass man. It was an Indian man in his underware. He was wearing a life vest but looked like he was about to drown. He couldn't swim. Neither could his friend, also in his underware. His girlfriend was a little better; she was swimming in life vest, jeans and a t shirt.
     The water was nice and I decide to come in early so I don't have to wait behind all the life jacket jack asses trying to get on the boat later. Lindsay and I stand on the boat watching the people sorkle and discuss the depth of the water. It's about 5 and a half feet at best, shallower in places and there is a lot of coral on the bottom. A man decides to back flip off the top of the boat. "oh, my god, not a good idea" I say. Someone else sees this and must think it's a good idea so he does the same.  We argee he's going to get hurt. Luckily it's only his feet which slam into the coral and he comes up grabbing his bleeding feet. Lindsay and I look at each other. What the hell is going on here?
    We are standing on the seats looking at the water like many other passengers, but Lindsay gets reprimanded (with body language) for having her shoes on the seat by another passenger we nicknamed Miranda. Apparently Miranda does not like the looks of Lindsay's flip flops on the seats. The seats are hard, waterproff plastic and by this time are soaked with sea water. What the hell us up with her? I am sure to wring out my hair over her seat.
     To make this long story short, suffice it to say all the other beach and swimming excursions are the same- everyone is wearing a life vest even in the most shallow of waters, only a handful of us can actaully swim. Later we learn the only people who can actually swim and know how to use a boat are the few of us who also speak English, about 9 people- me, Lindsay and an Australian family. Nearyl everyone else speaks the mystery language and seem new to this whole ocean thing.
      Later when we are on the beach the boat company has soda and fruit for us. I grab a cup and start unscrewing the cap. I have a piece of pineapple in the other hand. As soon as I get the cap off mystery language boy with the sexy mom grabs the bottle out of my hand to pour his soda. I say to him "Oh my god, seriosuly? You just took that out of my hand. You are so rude!" He does not understand and ignores me anyway. We rant about this group of assholes and decide they might be French, but we have not heard any 'oui ouis.' What the hell is going on here?
      When we get back on the boat to return home we are even more packed in somehow. Maybe more people joined us? The mystery language boy who stole my soda bottle gets on and jestures to a whole row of people to move down. He starts talking his mystery language to the people and this time some of his native speakers explain to him (although its blatently obvious) that there is no room here. I just tell him "no" and shake my head. What the hell is going on here?
      The 4 seat thong girl and her boyfriend are laying in their usual spot with their bags all over and someone asks the girl to move the bag. "This is my space" she says, in English. The person walks away. An 11 year old Australian boy wants to sit near his father, who is across the isle so he squeezes next to the boyfriend. The girl put her feet over her boyfriend's lap. Her feet are now also on the boy. The boy's mother asks the girl to move her feet. The girl says "This is my space." The mother asks her to move her bag a little so her son can have more space. She refuses. The boy's father appeals to the boyfriend in a very nice and friendly way."We here first, boy move" and makes some gestures The father tries to reason with him and the man says "you  make (points to the boy) move my space"
      I'm so pissed at these people so I say " Can't you give the little boy an inch? Just an inch of space?" No, they cannot so the mother appeals to them again. The girl's feet are still on the boy so his mother tells him to push her "dirty feet" off. He does. She puts them back, he pushes them off. This happens a few more times. The father gets in the man's face and I wonder if there will be a fight. The man is a total pussy, and his English is not good so I'm not sure he got it all. The father give his son his seat and tells the guide what is going on. The male guide asks the girl to move and she ignores him. The guide says in English  "This woman, she she take three seat and vill not move" Me and Lindsay hope she will fall overboard, or at least her bag will. The Australian mother tells the girl she is a "selfish, filthy pig" and something else that must be Australian slang. I wonder if a fight is coming. That girl will be sorry. We tell Australian mother the girl is a bitch and end up having a nice conversation with her. She had the same problem with her hotel booking this tour, and where is the English speaking guide anyway? They could not understand her either. "Do you know what Nationality these people are?" Lindsay asks her and the mystery is revealed. They are all Russian. "That explains a lot!" Lindsay comments. We all decide we must have entered the twilight zone, and we miss Vietnam.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Oh, the food!

     That is the first response I got from most people when I told them about my trip to SE Asia. I wondered, what about the food? Was it really that good? I mean, what? I hadn't had much asian food. I mean I liked chinese food but what about Vietnamese, Thai and Cambodian? I didn't know what to expect, especially being a vegetarian. I assumed there would not be much for me. Don't asians love fish? Can't eat that. Sushi? gross.
     My first asian meal while actually in asia was at the airport while stranded in Osaka, Japan. it was udon noodles, which I'd had before and loved. Good start, but I was most nervous about Vietnam. I'd read it was one of the hardest countries for vegetarians and that most vietnamese didn't even know what a vegetarian was. Great. I brough cliff bars and plenty of shakeology.
     My second meal was in Thailand-to my surprise finding a meal was easy. I had fried tofu and called it a night after our ridiculously long ordeal at the airport. Then it happened. We arrived at our hotel in Hanoi and asked the manager if there was place we could finsd a vegetarian restaurant. "vegetarian?" she asked. gulp.  Will she even know what that means? She was probably going to suggest fish. "We have a great vegetarian restaurant here" she said while pointing to a map. What?! An actual vegetarian restaurant? Was this possible? Most american towns don't have vegetarain restaurants. We ended up eating there twice and  it was great. Turns out it is the number one rated restaurnat in Hanoi on trip advisor. Go figure- Vietnam does vegetarian.
      It didn't end there. We ate great all over Vietnam. Vegetable fried rice, vegetabnle noodles, spring rolls, vegetable soup, tofu, they had it all and it was easy to find. I have some impressive pictures of one meal served to us on an island in the Mekong River. A cucumber man stadning atop a bed of rice holding baskets filled with rice. A cucmuber man paddling down a spring roll river on a traditional Vietnamese boat also made of cucumber.
       Similar meals appeared in Cambodia- tofu, vegetable fried rice and an asian favorite, french fries. Sweet potato fries and regular fries are all over asia. So far in Thailand I've had good luck, too. Vegetarain Pad Thai and fried rice was on the menu just this afternoon. And the fruit; it is fresh and it is everywhere. You can get it cut up and served to you on the spot; banana, mango, watermelon, durian, lyche, pineapple, papya, avaocado, coconut. Fruit shakes are available nearly every block- they just throw whatever you want in a blender or juicer with ice and bam- a delicous shake. I had a coconut one for dessert today. Going to SE asia? Oh, the food!